Hi Jane its nice to hear that you are thinking about adoption but also sorry that you have had no success in having another child.

Whilst I cannot help you here or give advice, myself and my husband did foster for a number of years. I developed ra during that time and was allowed to continue. I did eventually give up, partly because of my ra, and partly because my own grandchildren were arriving and I wanted to be more available to help in their care. I thoroughly enjoyed doing it.

There is a great need for both foster parents and adoptive parents in our area so it is probably the same all over, so I would just go ahead and make enquiries about it. Many of the children needing adoptive parents though are not babies. We fostered some children who were later adopted. One was a new born baby, I collected her straight from the maternity ward and another was a 4 yr old boy who stayed with us for over a year before he was allowed to be adopted. I am still in touch with the family, he is now 12.

The preparing to foster course was a fairly lenghthy one so presumably it is the same for adoption, so it may be better to ask sooner than later.

Some people on our course wanted to adopt and others fostered in the in the process of adoption. There was one couple who went on to adopt their foster child.

I'm sure Jenni will be able to help you. I think that there is much more open mindedness about adoption now than there used to be. My parents wanted to adopt a young child that they had fostered for some time, when it was decided that he was to go for adoption, but were not allowed to because they were 40!!! It was thought too old!

Good luck, Zena xx

hello everyone.

I am surprised that not more people with ra has adpoted or been through the process of typed up any advice?
Perhaps social services don't like people with chronic illness's to bother?

Jane
Xxx

Hello

I've popped on to try and help if I can Jane!

Richard and I are proud to say we are adoptive parents! We adopted our older two several yrs ago and I was a single adopter when the children first came 10 years ago now.

We have a lot to do with the adoption community and I have published a few articles now on adoption matters.

Basically you are at the first enquiry stages.

We all started where you are! The majority of adopters come to adoption for fertility related reasons (70%roughly) and the others come as grandparent adoptions, choice adoptions, step adoptions etc.

When adopting you go through an approval process. The first step is looking at the various agencies local to you and when they can allocate a worker to you to take you through approval.
There are voluntary agencies like barnardos, nch action for children, Cabrini etc
Then there are the local authorities like Hampshire, Portsmouth, dorset etc.

Some are really good like herefordshire, norfolk and Surrey and Tyne and wear. Some are very poor like Cornwall, Manchester, bolton, Suffolk.

The main difference is that the VAs have no children to actually place of their own but often have greater levels of kind support for adopters.
They are more open minded about who they take on and look at the wider balance of what a family can positively offer in the roundest sense.
They are often faster putting you through approval, but slower at matching. Tend to place older, more difficult to place children

The LAs have the children for placement, but are often very specific about the type of family they are looking to take on for the specific children they already have in mind for placement.
So, from a RA perspective I would strongly suggest you could have a better experience in a VA than an LA but ultimately you will have to face the LA systems as they have the children for placement

Really, it's very local how it works out. There's good and bad in each area of life and adoption is no different.

So let's say you decide to go for eg barnardos or the LA down the road. You'd go for an introductory meeting where they talk generally about the process and time scales, what sort of children are adopted today etc.
Theres no limit on these meetings and I'd suggest you go to a few and compare

Then you apply to who you think you feel best about- fill in crb checks etc
Then you get assigned a worker (can take a few months)
they do an initial home visit and look around
Talk about why you want to adopt in general terms and how your life with children will look different

From ra perspective I think you have huge positives here. You are adaptable and can find ways round things when you can't do things the way others can. Lean on this!

There's a common misconception that babies and toddlers are less affected by early trauma and losses. This simply isn't true. Nowadays the children placed for adoption are from abusive and neglectful homes and this effects the very chemistry of brain development. What I'm saying is that don't discount adoption of an older child thinking that they will be more affected that a younger child. Our own experience and that of countless others will show you differently.

I would suggest joining adoption uk but before you do, have a good look round their website
There's an open message board on there.

I post a fair bit on there, As pear tree (it's anon on there to protect the identity of families)

They do some good publications
http://www.adoptionuk.or.../102695/guidingthrough/

And I'd get 'what every parent should know' by margot Sunderland
As an intro to the brain wiring stuff and why adoption is different to having a bc.

One more thing popped into my head, they will want to see that you have worked on the painful losses associated with not being able to have a birth child. So you may need to consider that.

If you look on Facebook Jane, I'm a 'friend' on the nras page.
You're welcome to friend me and we can chat in real time.

Overall it's a wonderful thing being an adoptive parent. As a disabled mum I feel that there are strengths and qualities that we bring adoptive children need particularly.

All the best

Hope this is some help?

Jenni xx

Jenni

I've done local authority - should do both?!
Says they get in touch in a few days.

Jane
Xxx

Hi Jenni

I got a call at tea time for half an hour - council adoption team.
He asked about us/who many bedrooms/jobs/explained about having ra - he took a little while to grasp my body could no longer fire up for a baby - he said about me trying ivf....explained that I'm on methtrixate and dangerous chemicals/spend a few years trying and consultant wanted me to go on methtrixate last year and I've moved on and not sad/mad/clinging onto false real birth baby hopes. He then said I've got it - non viable pregnancy (bless him)!

One issue came up that could be a no goer - said about family/support network. Said my hubby and I rely on each other and don't have family close by. He said we MUST have a support network - I explained that my hubby and I jiggle work for emergencies with our daughter or she goes to nursery holiday club.

He said that an info pack would come out to us, then book discussion/informal meeting with other would be adopters, then home visits.
Decision within 6 months - placement within 2 years.

And they are crude with their questions!!!

HELP!! Any pointers re what questions to expect? And support network?

Thanks for guiding me
Xxx

thanks Jenni
Your explanation makes sense.
Ooohh dear, we seem like right hermits because your pool of friends and family looks solid.
We haven't had anything to do with either side of the family since my daughter been born: my mother inlaw doesn't like me and only wanted my hubby and daughter in their lives - my hubby said all of us or nothing...so the three of us stuck together and got on with enjoying life and being a parent (think I wasn't from a posh background)
My mum....wasn't happy I was pregnant (I was 33 at the time).
So, we look awful on support with family.
Have lots of friends with children/parents from school......maybe that looks better!

As you know I'm on twitter, not facebook (yet).
I shall join the adoption uk (not cheap) tho.

I did notice that I can direct message you as a member of adoption uk regarding adoption assistance & help.

Thanks for your time Jenni
Xxx

Just wondering Jane, how you are getting on with the adoption things and if you're thinking about moving forward with the process
At the moment the message boards are free to access and I know this is changing in the autumn.

There's a conference with dan Siegel soon, it's very expensive but I'd love to go! He's supposed to be very good
All about mind mindfulness...

I'd like to see Bruce perry,
Just about to download his new book on kindle.
Ive read the boy who was raised as a dog. I was worried it would be a depressing read but no! It was very uplifting, pulls no punches but a gripping read.

Hope you're doing well x

We put an informal register (application form) in about 2 - 3 weeks ago.....someone gets assigned to us to come out and have a chat.......waiting

I think the council are slow to reply to things.
That is where we are at!

Jane
Xxx

Jenni, I say Jenni!!!!

Appointment is made for adoption person to do the informal chat soon.
Thought I let you know lovely.

Jane
Xxx

Latest news. On our adoption journey everyone!

We completed a 3 day adoption prep course this week.
Waiting for us to be assigned a social worker - started January 2013 with telephone interview regarding adoption.
Adoption application went in a few weeks ago, awaiting various checks/references visited - if we make the panel to be approved then happy days!

Having ra doesn't stop me from applying to be a forever mummy.
X